Monday, December 05, 2011

Still Kicking

So, I intended to end this blog at 1,000 posts, and I did for a while until I accidentally had my Twitter posts updating as blog posts here. So that threw in some more posts.

Then I started coming back here whenever I had something to say. Like I am now. Not that it's all that important or profound, I just felt like blogging this morning.

I do intend on continuing blogging elsewhere soon, I'm just trying to wait on my new site to be up. I may not wait that long, though. I will update here if I start a new one with a link so you all can follow me over there.

Have you ever had one of those times where it feels like there is so much going on, and so much to do, but it's not sufficient at the same time, and you don't feel like doing any of it? That's where I'm at right now. It's almost like I feel like everything I'm doing and have on my plate is just treading water or running in place. It's not moving me forward. Well, some of it is in certain areas, but not the most important areas.



I've been exploring other avenues for a while now and will continue to do so. I've been praying about things and just trying to wrap my head around stuff. It's been a long, arduous year I have to tell you.

Work has been really slow. I have some right now, but it's barely scratching the surface of what I need. And that makes it hard to focus on at times. I know I have to do it because I committed to it, and it is work, but at the same time it's not getting me what I need. Every little bit helps, and that's why I do it. But still, it can be frustrating at times.

Creatively, I've got SO many things I want to do. For the past few weeks I'll have these spurts where I jump into creative mode and start planning and getting active, only to realize I should really be doing this other stuff - work stuff - first, and then I get snapped back to reality and more frustrated.

I know eventually I'll find a good balance and things will work out, but it's times like these that are just hard no matter what you do, you know?

What gets me is that I know there's a better way, and I know I'm intelligent enough to find it, but it's like it's just out of my grasp. I can't quite grab hold of whatever it is that I need to do differently.

I don't even know who's out there reading this, but whoever you are, say a prayer or send a positive thought my way. I am upbeat and positive most days, don't get me wrong. I just still need to figure some things out. I'm human and I have times of frustration and disgust with things around me like anyone else. I don't dwell in it, trust me. But those instances come from a need for change, and I just don't know what to change.

I know everybody probably has an opinion on that, but that's not really what I'm looking for. I'm not soliciting advice or help really, I'm just venting and hoping someone out there sends some vibes my way or something, or a light bulb goes off and I figure out what to do and where to go from here.

Anyway, I should bring this rambling diatribe to an end for now. I'm tired (been up all night after a couple of days of solid, long rest), and I've got a ton to do today. Will probably catch a nap before jumping into it. My chronic headaches I've been having all weekend are still raging and staring at this screen right now is really starting to get to me.

Until whenever, have a great week, happy holidays and God bless.

-B

4 comments:

Chad Strohl said...

Positive thought sent :)

Brant W. Fowler said...

Much appreciated, man.

Anonymous said...

prayers for good wishes and haunt all the boards wanting to pay for services--
god helps those that.......

Ron Fortier said...

Hang in there, Brant. You need to keep a positive focus on the future and listen to your own gut. There are good things coming you way, if you believe it.