I don't understand it, and I can't really explain it, but here lately my hunger for drawing has started to slowly return. I don't know what's behind the motivation as nothing has really changed, it just feels like it's time to get back into it. And not just as a passing thing, but to seriously learn the craft and really improve my skills.
Maybe the Comic Book Idol contest brought something back to me. Back when the first two happened I hadn't been drawing for a while either, but they both sparked something in me that made me want to get back into it. Maybe the fact that it's coming back has brought that back to the surface. Not that I plan on entering, because unless I get a lot better within the next month I think I'd be setting myself up for another fall simply because, unlike then, I'm now well aware of my skill level, and painfully so.
I can't say it's because I have more time to concentrate on it either, because in actuality I have less time than ever between all my responsibilities. And of course those responsibilities will come first, but there's just something in me that is craving to get back into it.
I'm really serious about it to. I've been looking into buying a drafting table, something I have never had, so that I can feel like I have a proper place to draw that's separate from everything else. I'm trying to find some Burne Hogarth books (used) to study up and improve as well. I just bought Dynamic Anatomy for instance. And I'm going to restock on art supplies (pencils, boards, etc.) as soon as I can.
I'm not fooling myself either. I don't think I'm going to pick up a pencil and read through these books and suddenly be loads better than I was previously. I realize it will take time to get to the level I want. I do, however, feel that through editing all these years, both scripts and art, and through reviewing comics that I have developed a much better "eye" for various aspects of comic art, and hopefully I can employ that eye on my own work and have a better idea of what to fix. Before I would sometimes know something was off, and I could see it in my mind's eye, but I just couldn't figure out how to actually fix it on paper. I'm hoping through my experiences, through studying, and of course through practice I'll overcome all of that.
Do I still have aspirations of drawing comics for a living? Not so much. I think at this point I'd rather be able to write and draw my own stuff, while my writing goals still do include working for the big two at some point in addition to doing my own stuff. And of course it wouldn't hurt to pick up a few drawing gigs along the way to help fund those projects, but that's a ways off. I just think it would be a long while before I could get to the level where I could meet concrete monthly deadlines with quality work, and that's time I really don't have to pour into it right now. But getting good enough to do my own stuff or stuff for others that isn't quite so strict I think is a more realistic goal
But still, all that is a ways off. I still haven't even cracked open the art boards or sharpened the pencils in a good while, and I'm very well aware of the problems in my art. I also want to work on developing my own style, a signature style of sorts. My art is what it is, but to me it doesn't stand out at all. Until it does I won't be satisfied.
So whatever brought back the desire I haven't a clue. Whether it will be a lingering desire or a fleeting nostalgia I don't know, though I'm hoping for the former. Drawing was my very first artistic love from the age of 5 or 6, and it has always pained me since I gave it up at 19 and since I've struggled with trying to tap back into it since I was 24 and have been unsuccessful. So I'm hoping that it really is just time and that I can add it back to the list of things I want to succeed at.
Whatever the case may be, I will keep you posted right here.